The call came in on a Tuesday afternoon in November, at 3:47 PM, from a number in Brooklyn I did not recognize. I was in the checkout line of a bookshop in Providence, holding a novel by Bohumil Hrabal I had bought and re-bought and given away four times, and I answered because I had been expecting a different call — from the plumber — and I said, in that impatient way one says hello when one is expecting a plumber, "Yes?"
The voice on the other end said, "Mr. Delshad, this is the chair of the board of the American Book Awards, and we would like to invite you to chair the 2026 fiction panel."
I said, "The 2026 fiction panel."
She said, "Yes, the 2026 fiction panel."
I said, "Of the American Book Awards."
She said, "Yes, Mr. Delshad." And then, because she is a person of some patience: "You will have some questions."
I had, in the moment, four questions, which I asked her in that order: How many books; how many panelists; when does it begin; when does it end. She answered them in the way I have since discovered she answers most things — in the fewest words that will do the work — and then said: "You will want to think about it. I will call you back on Friday."
Part I. What one thinks about, in eight weeks.
Between the Tuesday call and the Friday one, and then the Friday one and the appointment letter, and then the appointment letter and the arrival of the boxes in the first week of January, I had eight weeks in which to think about what I had agreed to do. What I thought about, mostly, was weight.
A book is a heavy object. The average trade paperback novel weighs, I have since measured, about eleven ounces. The average hardcover — of the kind still sent to the panels — weighs about twenty-two ounces. Four hundred and seventeen hardcovers, at twenty-two ounces each, come to about five hundred and seventy-three pounds. That is, roughly, the weight of a modest upright piano, or a young horse, or four adult panelists reading simultaneously.
I have thought, since, about why the physical weight bothered me — why I kept doing the math, in eight weeks of thinking about the panel, on the physical weight — when what I was going to be asked to do was to read the books, and reading is not, on the whole, a physical activity. And I have come to think, tentatively, that it bothered me because I had already understood, on the Tuesday call, that I was going to be asked to do something the mind was not built for, and I was reaching for the body's version of it. The mind, asked to read four hundred and seventeen books in ten months, does not weigh five hundred and seventy-three pounds. It weighs much more.
Part II. On agreeing to it anyway.
I said yes because I had been told, by four previous chairs, that the writing of the citation is the hardest thing they had ever done, and I have wanted, for as long as I have been a writer, to do the hardest thing four writers I admired had ever done. I said yes because I have never once, in my life as a writer, understood a book better than in the week I found out other people had also read it. I said yes because Marion Deutsch, in 1980, said the prize would exist "because reading has become a business we can no longer trust to businessmen," and I have been trying, for a while now, to place myself somewhere other than in the business of it.
And I said yes because I had read, in 2011, the first book by Marilynne Robinson to have won this prize, and I have not stopped, since, being embarrassed that I had waited until 2011 to read a book that had been available since 1980. I did not want to be, in 2036, embarrassed to say that I had not read, in 2026, the book by a writer twenty-three years younger than me that I hope she is currently writing.
Part III. The boxes.
The boxes arrived on a Thursday in the first week of January, on a truck from a warehouse in Long Island City, in twelve cardboard crates that the driver stacked in my hallway with the kind of professional indifference that made me feel, briefly, ridiculous. I signed for them. I closed the door. I sat down on the floor of the hallway, next to the boxes, and I did not open them for two hours.
And then I opened them.
Inside the first box, at the top, was a novel by a writer I had never heard of, from a press I had never heard of, in a print run of, per the copyright page, one thousand two hundred. It was called A Small House on the Longest Road, and I sat down on the floor next to the boxes and I read the first sentence, which I will not quote here because it is not the panel's to quote yet. And then I read the second sentence. And then, because I had, at that point, four hundred and sixteen more books to read, I closed the book and I put it back in the box.
Except I did not put it back in the box. I put it on the shelf next to my desk. Because that is, I thought, why one says yes to the panel: to find the book that one puts on the shelf next to one's desk in the first hour of the year, and to spend the next ten months finding out whether one was right.
— K.D.